Tired of sending the same old Amazon virtual birthday gift of $50?
Tired of putting the same old “Congratulations” gif on Facebook when someone graduates from college or gets a promotion?
Tired of the same old birthday card where you just sign your name at the bottom and don’t put any thought into it?
Yeah, me neither.
But in case you are, I may have something for you — Cameo.com. It’s a website where you can get “personalized messages from your favorite celebrities.” For a fee, of course.
So, if you wanted to wish your husband a Happy Birthday, and he was a big “Revenge of the Nerds” fan (and who isn’t?), then you could pay “Booger” (actor Curtis Armstrong) $150 to send a personal videotaped message to your husband from Booger himself.
Or, if you wanted to congratulate your parents on their anniversary, and they were big “Perfect Strangers” fans (and who is?), you could pay $99 for a personalized video message from Bronson Pinchot (“Balki”).
Or if you wanted to apologize to your wife for breaking her grandmother’s priceless vase, who better than Flavor Flav ($250) to deliver that message and get you out of a jam?
The “celebrities” run the gamut – actors, musicians, athletes, YouTube influencers, models, gamers, activists, Drag Queens.
Basically, anybody who used to be somebody, or never was somebody, is available on the Cameo website – again, for a price.
And that’s where the confusion begins.
Some of these “celebrities” don’t know their worth, and some have a misguided understanding of their worth.
For instance, some overseas basketball player named Landon Milbourne charges $700 for a video message. One of the greatest players to ever touch a basketball, Kareem Abdul-Jabaar, charges $500.
A comedian-magician named Archie Manners demands $1,000 on the website, or you can hire Chevy Chase to wish someone a happy birthday for just $500.
A British actor nobody’s ever heard of, Jamie Muscato, bills $1,000 for a video message, while the Six-Million-Dollar Man, Lee Majors, is a mere $299.
For $99, you can either hire little-known, yet well-named, Canadian musician Coyote Shivers, or have Marla Gibbs, Florence from “The Jeffersons,” deliver a sarcastic, eye-rolling message of your choice.
Actor and radio host Phil Hendrie bills $1,000 per video message on Cameo. Or you can save $850 and get Kurtis Blow, Joey Lawrence or Anthony Michael Hall to do the same.
How in the wide world of sports is former NFL player Pierre Garcon charging $1,000 and Joe Montana – perhaps the best quarterback in NFL history – charging $449 per message? Brett Favre ($400) costs less than Deandre Baker ($500)? Lawyers ain’t free.
Most ridiculous of all is Caitlyn (Bruce) Jenner charging $2,500 per video, while Bo Jackson (a better, more famous, athlete even when Caitlyn was Bruce) costs $400.
A personal message from your favorite (or not favorite) celebrity doesn’t have to break the bank, though. Cameo has celebrities available for all budgets, including:
♦ Former Heisman Trophy winner and NBA player Charlie Ward — $93.
♦ Sinbad (the comedian) — $65.
♦ Larry Gatlin (of Gatlin Brothers fame) — $50.
♦ Actor David Herman (Michael Bolton from “Office Space”) — $40
♦ Charlene Tilton (“Dallas”) — $40.
♦ Actor Zack Galligan (“Gremlins”) — $39.99.
♦ Larry Wilcox (Jon from “Chips”) — $40.
♦ Don Beebe (ex-NFL player from Buffalo Bills) — $25.
♦ Ventriloquist Christine Bayer — $12.
♦ Actor Tyson Jarvis — $1.
I’m no accountant, but $1 is less than the $50 I was sending folks for an Amazon gift card. So is $12. Don’t know about $40 – will have to check on that.
Anyway, it’s certainly worth a try. And Charlene Tilton may need the dough.