I thought I knew all there was to know about myself.

Me, myself, and I have been together longer than anyone we know. I thought I knew them well but apparently there was a great deal about “me” I had not noticed.

“Little Miss Phillips” commented that I am prone to muddle through things without asking for help when I actually need it.

That may be why I don’t have a chicken house and why my very long wire amateur radio antenna is still curled up in a bucket.

An example came to light when I growled that the right strap of my overalls keeps sliding down, usually when I need the freedom of movement.

The “Kansas Woman” had a quick answer: “It is because your right shoulder is noticeably lower.”

Huh?

LMP: “Sure is!”

Standing at the hall mirror I saw she was right, but what can I do about it?

The KW very quickly takes in a scene and registers information about people.

She notices when a married couple is wearing the same color shirt, for example. “I wonder which one got dressed first.”

She notices feet and referred to someone who sat across the church aisle from us as “the guy with little feet.”

Being on notice I saw that the man does have very small feet.

At a recent funeral visitation I asked around to discover what folks first noticed.

Charlie notices if a man’s shoes are shined. He spent a career in car sales.

Beverly said she notices dress hems and if they are not straight it drives her nuts.

Thomas said he notices whether cars are washed.

Sandra said she can now recognize people by their mask.

Clarice is all about hair, particularly when someone’s hair is too dark for their age. “It makes their wrinkles pop out.”

I notice men’s hair, maybe because I don’t have any, much.

While working as a substitute television weather man, the directors noticed a blue glow around my head. They tried to fix it with lighting, “shadowing” it.

There was more light fuzz than hair and my options were to shave it or cover it up.

I went with a hair piece, a toupee, and became so vain I wore it all the time. It was not a well-groomed piece. The guy who sold it said that if it looks slightly “messed up” it would look natural.

That worked. I kept it slightly messed up for as long as I wore it, but gave up the trouble when I snagged it on a low limb.

And the guy with tiny feet? “His wife needs to fix the cuffs of his pants. He’s walking on them.”

Joe Phillips writes his “Dear me” columns for several small newspapers. He has many connections to Walker County, including his grandfather, former superintendent Waymond Morgan. He can be reached at joenphillips@hotmail.com.

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