I don’t have kids. The Good Lord knows why he has kept that from happening — most likely because I’m the most immature and irresponsible person on the planet and my children would eat takeout buffalo wings and pork rinds for dinner every night. They’d also be sent home from school for cussing.
But anyhow, most of my friends have kids and although I jokingly say that kids ruin lives (because it keeps their parents from hanging out with me), I actually love children and I love spending time around them and playing with them.
Kids are so random. The things they say and do and think about are so unpredictable.
Most of all, kids are hilarious — unintentionally so.
Years ago, a friend in Louisville, Kentucky started posting photos of her daughter Mila (who's now 5) on Facebook. The photos were of Mila crying or scowling when something was wrong. The photos themselves are hilarious because in some of them Mila can be seen pitching an absolute FIT. But what’s even funnier were the reasons behind the emotional breakdowns.
What may seem like nothing to us, can be a MASSIVE deal to a 3, 4 or 5-year-old. Something completely mundane to us can bring their world crashing down.
It’s not always that the kids are spoiled or being brats, it’s that sometimes in their little minds some things are just so important. And when those big important things don’t go their way, it’s tough to hold it together.
And this is precisely what Mila’s mom has been documenting. I call them Mila Meltdowns and I wanna share a few with you now. These don’t happen all the time. Mila’s a very sweet and intelligent little girl. But every now and again something goes terribly awry and mom snaps a photo at just the right moment.
I’m sure local parents can all sympathize with Mila’s mom on some of these. Please keep in mind that all these Mila Meltdowns were accompanied by hilarious photos that will one day be used to great effect at Mila’s college graduation and her wedding.
1. Mila wanted to make up a secret password that no one in her family could ever guess. When she asked her family to try to guess what it was, they all got it wrong. It was the worst day of Mila’s life.
2. Mila learned that December was the “bottom” month of the calendar. Fall-on-the-ground meltdown.
3. The family drove cross country to Mila’s aunt Elizabeth’s wedding but when they got there, Mila realized it wasn’t HER turn to get married. Meltdown.
4. Mila’s dad wouldn’t let her eat a bag of cheese for dinner. Understandable meltdown.
5. Mila’s dad made her eggs AND yogurt but she wanted eggs WITH yogurt. Huge difference. Huge meltdown.
6. Mom: Mila asked me to check if her hot dog was too hot. I took a bite. It ruined her life.
7. Mila’s dad made her baby bagels with pink cream cheese for breakfast. He didn’t know Mila had decided she only eats marshmallows now. Meltdown.
8. Mila loves to sleep with “pillow pets” so her mom got her two “pillow pets” one night. Mom didn’t realize Mila’s new favorite number was 3, not 2. Night ruined.
9. Every Tuesday Mila gets to go to Tumblebus. Every Friday Mila has sprinkler water day. Today is not Tuesday AND Friday. Meltdown.
10. Mila was good at school and got a prize sucker at the end of the day. It wasn’t purple. Roll-around-on-the-sidewalk meltdown.
I’m sure some people reading this are bewildered by this behavior but I’m also pretty sure many local parents understand it completely and probably have their own meltdown-for-ridiculous-reason stories. If you do, email them to me at email@example.com and if I get enough of ‘em I’ll compile them into another column.
Until then, Mila’s Meltdowns take the cake.
Severo Avila is features editor for the Rome News-Tribune