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Wouldn’t chairs and foe fur: Yard Sale gems volume 6

Severo Avila

Severo Avila is Features Editor at the Rome News-Tribune.

It’s been a while since I scoured the local online yard sale pages for treasures.

But I’m not looking for a car or for clothes or antiques. I like to read the listings and the comments and see the funny things people say.

We all make mistakes — I surely do — but some are downright hilarious. And when it’s on a public forum such as the Rome and Floyd County Yard Sale Facebook page, then it’s seen by thousands of people and if it’s something really funny it’ll spread like wildfire.

So often times I don’t even have to look for these little gems of grammar or spelling. They come to me. People have been emailing and texting me listings from local and area yard sale pages.

I have been sitting on a few that I’d like to share with you now. These are all real listings that I have seen. As I usually do, I’ll write them just the way they were listed online and then I may comment after. Some of these are local (Rome and Floyd County), but some are from area pages.

And I always make sure to say that some of these are simply typing errors. But the best ones are the words, phrases and expressions that we say all the time without realizing it’s wrong. Like when people say Chester Drawers instead of chest of drawers. Or when my friend Brandy says “bounce to you” instead of “unbeknownst to you.” We all have those things that we didn’t realize we’ve been saying incorrectly all our lives.

And then there are things we spell just like we say it. Like “lawnmore” instead of “lawn mower.”

Anyhow, here are the latest ones I’ve collected:

(Rome), ga bulldogs memerbila, $20

I’ll cut this person some slack. MEMORABILIA is a tough word to spell.

(Woodstock) Black wouldn’t chairs, $50

This is probably a case where the person wanted to spell WOODEN, but spelled it just like he or she says it. Or maybe they were doing it by voice text and the phone chose the wrong word. Either way, the word WOULDN’T appeared in the listing title AND in the description of the items.

(Floyd County) Several winner dog puppies, must go. cannot keep them.

FIRST OF ALL, I doubt this seller means he or she has champion dogs. I’m guessing they mean WEINER dogs. Also, this is what happens when you don’t have your pet spayed or neutered. You might end up with puppies that you may not want.

(Calhoun) Womens patter gonia jacket XL, $35

Even though there should be an apostrophe in the word “women’s,” I’ll let that go and move right on to the bigger problem. How can you own a jacket that HAS THE BRAND CLEARLY WRITTEN ON IT and still misspell it so terribly? Patter gonia? Really?

(Trion) Scrap medal, free

I’m picturing a junk yard full of discarded 5K and half marathon medals strewn about, rusty and damaged. He means scrap METAL.

(Rome) Girls boots with foe fur, $15, nothing wrong with them just don’t fit my daughter any more. very warm.

Was the fur provided by an enemy?

Again, I’ll cut this person a little slack. It’s not every day you have to spell or even see the word FAUX. And in their defense, you don’t even know the X is there if you don’t see it written. But it doesn’t make it any less funny.

I’d also like to comment on a few terms that are rampant on the yard sale Facebook pages:

Sale vs. Sell: I come back to this one over and over again. An item is for SALE. You’re having a yard SALE. You would like to SELL this car. Please let me know if you have a bike to SELL me.

Need Gone: This is yard sale lingo for “I don’t want this and even though I’ve listed a price I’ll take anything you give me if you’ll get it off my front porch today.” Need gone is written after a lot of items. It lets buyers know that this person needs the money TODAY.

Runs Good: This is also yard sale lingo. People will usually use it when referring to the 1997 Nissan Altima with the windows that can’t roll down, the mysterious stains on the back seat and the cigarette burn marks on the passenger seat upholstery. The listing will read “title in hand, AC works. Runs good.” Essentially, it’s yard sale insurance. When you buy the car and it works for approximately 24 hours and then doesn’t work and you take it back to them saying it was listed as “runs good,” they’ll tell you it didn’t say “runs GREAT.”

Severo Avila is features editor for the Rome News-Tribune