I tend not to worry.

My wife does, occasionally. I usually counter her concerns by saying, “What are the odds of ... (insert potentially dangerous activity)?” Then, I follow by making up the odds.

“Oh, let the kids play with fireworks, honey. What are the odds they’ll get hurt?”

Actually, it’s 1 in 19,556, which is less dangerous than playing with a chainsaw (1 in 4,464) but more dangerous than swimming with alligators (a 1 in 53,000 chance of being bit).

By the way, I was way, way off with my figures on all three of the above. The odds I quoted her were: Getting injured by playing with fireworks: 1 in a million; odds of getting hurt by playing with a chainsaw: None whatsoever; and odds of getting bit by an alligator: 1 in a gazillion.

So, in the interests of utilizing accurate odds for these instances, I did some research and found the actual chances for catastrophe/accident, for usage by myself, and you, the curious reader, in our everyday reckoning. So, the chance of you:

♦ Being struck by lightning: 1 in 576,000.

♦ Getting away with murder: 1 in 2.

♦ Winning an Olympic gold medal: 1 in 662,000.

♦ Getting hemorrhoids: 1 in 25.

♦ Dying from a shark attack: 1 in 300,000,000 (that’s 300 million).

♦ Dying from a falling coconut: 1 in 250,000,000.

♦ Dying from a dog attack: 1 in 700,000.

♦ Dying from falling down: 1 in 246.

♦ Winning the Mega Millions lottery: 1 in 135,145,920.

♦ Having your identity stolen: 1 in 200.

♦ Hitting a hole-in-one in golf (if you’re an amateur): 1 in 5,000.

♦ Hitting a hole-in-one in golf (if you’re a professional): 1 in 2,500.

♦ Being a victim of a serious crime in your lifetime: 1 in 20.

♦ Being injured while mowing your lawn: 1 in 3,623.

♦ Dying in an airplane accident: 1 in 354,319.

♦ Dying from a terrorist attack from an immigrant in the U.S.: 1 in 138,000,000.

♦ Dying from getting hit by a bus or train: 1 in 160,487.

♦ Dying from heart disease: 1 in 3.

♦ Becoming president of the United States: 1 in 10,000,000.

♦ Dying from parts falling off an airplane: 1 in 10,000,000.

♦ Getting divorced: 1 in 3.

♦ Living to be 100 years old: 1 in 50.

♦ Dying from a bicycling accident: 1 in 140,845.

Dying from a football injury: 1 in 1,850,000.

Dying from jogging: 1 in 1,000,000.

♦ Dying from a hunting accident: 1 in 68,000.

♦ Getting injured while shaving: 1 in 6,585.

♦ Dying from an alligator attack: 1 in 12,000,000.

♦ Getting colon cancer: 1 in 20.

♦ Being audited by the IRS: 1 in 175.

♦ Becoming a professional athlete: 1 in 22,000.

♦ Bowling a 300 game: 1 in 11,500.

♦ Getting the flu this year: 1 in 10.

Of course, I’m no statistician (although I did pretend to be one at a wedding recently). But I do think that if you have hemorrhoids, and are swimming with sharks, while on a lawn mower, after cutting yourself shaving, and barely survived a falling coconut, after being notified you’re being audited by the IRS, your chances of getting a divorce may increase.

Email Len Robbins at lrobbins@theclinchcountynews.com.

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