I am so glad the University of Kansas hired Les Miles as their college football coach.
Miles is one of my favorite coaches of all time. I never particularly liked LSU, care nothing about Kansas or ever thought Les Miles was a great coach. The reason he’s one of my favorites is that you never know what’s going to come out of his mouth, be it during a halftime speech, a lunch or in a preseason interview.
A couple of years ago, when asked about his family vacation, the “Mad Hatter” said: “It was miserable. I hated it. But it was great fun.”
That reminded me of some of my favorite sports quotes I’ve encountered over the years. Some are from famous coaches and players, some infamous. Some smart-alecky, some ignorant. Some, well, it’s hard to tell. You be the judge.
♦ Baseball great Andre Dawson, on being a role model: “I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me.”
♦ New Orleans Saints running back George Rogers, when asked about the upcoming season: “I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”
♦ Upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the Washington Redskins say, “I’d run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,” Matt Millen (then of the Raiders) said, “To win the Super Bowl, I’d run over Joe’s mom, too.”
♦ Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, in 1996: “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
♦ Former major league baseball player Tito Fuentes: “They shouldn’t throw at me. I’m the father of five or six kids.”
♦ Bill Peterson, former FSU football coach: “You guys line up alphabetically by height.” He also said, “You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.”
♦ Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: “Why would anyone expect him to come out (of prison) smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton.”
♦ Shaquille O’Neal, on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece: “I can’t really remember the names of the clubs we went to.”
♦ Chuck Nevitt (whom I saw play in high school in Marietta), when he was at N.C. State, explaining to Coach Jimmy Valvano why he appeared nervous at a practice: “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.”
♦ Steve Spurrier, telling Gator fans (when he was Florida’s football coach) about a fire at Auburn’s football dorm that destroyed 20 books: “But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet.”
♦ NBA broadcaster, and former coach and player, Doug Collins: “Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points, and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win.”
♦ Lincoln Kennedy, former NFL offensive lineman, on his decision not to vote: “I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I’d get shot.”
♦ The late, great Frank Layden, coach of the Utah Jazz, on a former player: “I told him, ‘Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.’”
♦ Torrin Polk, then a University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: “He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.”
♦ Shelby Metcalf, former basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F’s and one D: “Son, it looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.”
♦ Former major league baseball outfielder Oscar Gamble, on something: “They don’t think it be like it is, but it do.”
I agree. Maybe.