Since my last “Rome Fancy” column, I’ve gotten a ton of response from people asking whether or not they’re fancy. One or two of the Rome Fancy qualities applied to them, but others did not.
I realized it’s not clear-cut. There are degrees of fanciness. So I decided to come up with sort of a little quiz to find out how Rome Fancy you really are.
This quiz can be taken by anybody, anywhere. Even if you don’t live in Rome or you moved away from Rome, you can use it to find out how Rome Fancy you are.
And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being fancy. Be proud of it. Embrace it.
So get out a piece of paper and a pencil and jot down the number of points you get for each item and I’ll tell you what the numbers mean when you’re done. Then you can share this quiz on social media, posting your score so everyone knows exactly how Rome Fancy you are...
If you live in a neighborhood or subdivision that’s governed by something called a COVENANT, please award yourself 1 point. I obviously have never lived in such a place. A “covenant” sounds very Biblical and intimidating.
If you have NEVER been to Provino’s Italian Restaurant on your birthday, give yourself 1 point. This is because all non-fancy Rome residents know that you get a FREE meal at Provino’s on your birthday and some look forward to that free meal all year long. If you don’t need to save like that, then you fancy.
If you have ever started a sentence with “My masseuse says....” then add 1 point to your score. I’ve only had a massage one time in my life and that’s because my buddy John paid for me to get one on my birthday last year. I felt like some kind of extravagant member of royalty or a drug dealer. It was wonderful.
Give yourself 1 point for every person you pay with the word “personal” in front of their job title. So that would be a personal trainer, personal chef, personal assistant...etc.
If you celebrate any special event (for example weddings, anniversaries, birthdays) at Barnsley Gardens (a very nice resort near Rome), that’s another 1 point.
If you have ever attended a wine tasting or have paid to visit a location with the word VINEYARDS in its name, add 1 point to your total. These are uber-fancy places. Wine itself is fancy. The only wine I drink is a $10 bottle of red Moscato you can get at Walmart and it has a twist-off top. And I put ice in it. And I drink it out of a plastic cup I stole from a La Quinta Inn.
Deduct 1 point from your total if, like me, you’re really counting on that $125 check from the Equifax Data Breach. Fancy people don’t need that money but I’ve been standing next to my mailbox since I submitted my claim 2 days ago.
Award yourself 1 point if you own rental property.
If you DO NOT need to wait till your “upgrade date” to get a new cell phone, please give yourself 1 point. Po’ folks like me can’t just go out and get a new phone when we feel like it. We gotta wait till 7 months from now when Verizon tells us we can upgrade because it’s a lot cheaper then.
If you named any of your children using traditionally accepted SURNAMES as their first names, give yourself 1 point for each child named like that. It’s the height of fanciness to name your kids things like Banks, Anderson, Bennett, Beckett, Carter, Jennings, Walker and Sawyer. HOWEVER, and this is very important, you must SUBTRACT 1 point for every one of your kids with a name that you’ve “modified” so they’ll be different — for example Braxtyn, McKynsleigh, Jaxxon and Annystyn.
If you play golf every weekend at Barnsley, Stonebridge or Coosa Country Club, that’s 1 point.
If you live in an apartment or loft “above Broad Street” then that’s another 1 point. Please invite me up for drinks. I will overstay my welcome and beg you to let me move in.
If your family vacations require an airline ticket, give yourself 1 point. If your vacations are to PCB, Destin, Myrtle Beach or Gatlinburg, deduct 1 point.
If you go to the automated car wash and you pay extra to have actual humans wash your car while you wait, give yourself 1 point.
If you can go to your fitness club or yoga in the middle of the workday (and you’re not retired or unemployed) add 1 point. You’re probably the boss or a manager and you have that kind of freedom.
If your idea of the waterpark is taking your kids to the fountain at the Town Green, please deduct 1 point.
If you purchase tickets to the annual Heart of the Community Banquet or if you purchase PATRON Tickets to the annual Rome Celebrity Dance Challenge, you get 1 point for each.
If you have NEVER gone to a local pawn store and pawned something because you needed the money, award yourself 1 point. I once pawned something very dear to me at Scants Pawn on North Broad for $35.
If your kids take private lessons of any sort, you get 1 point. Give yourself an additional 1 point if the instructor comes to your house to give those lessons.
Here’s the breakdown:
Negative or 1 point — you’re plain ole salt of the earth regular folks like me. Congratulations. I’ll see you at the Dollar General sometime this week.
2-5 points — You’re not full-fledged fancy. You’re boujee. You try to put on an air of fanciness.
6-10 points — Congratulations, you’re legit Rome Fancy. Someone in your household drives a brand new white Chevy Tahoe.
More than 10 points — You are Super Rome Fancy. You’ve seen my picture in the newspaper and could have sworn I did your landscaping.
Post your score to social media and have your friends take the quiz.