Y’all, Connie got a cat. And it’s not a good situation.

For those of you who keep up with my column, you’ll remember that Connie is my friend who I refer to as the Estate Sale Queen of Rome. She takes me to estate sales and yard sales and has taught me the art of the bargain. Plus she has a booth at Over the Moon Antiques where she sells the beautiful treasures she finds on a weekly basis. And let me tell you, Connie has an eye for vintage and antique treasures.

Anyhow, Connie has a cat, which, if you know her, is ridiculous to imagine. Actually this is the text she sent me recently: “Gevonne has a cat now. I’m not excited.”

Gevonne is her husband, and they already have two dogs in that house, plus they give snacks to a neighbor’s dog named Parker who visits regularly.

I don’t think Connie or Gevonne wanted a cat, but this is what Connie related to me via text message the other day. The cat’s name is Stanley, by the way.

“I found him in the parking lot of Stanley’s Restaurant (on North Broad Street). He was under Ansley’s (her daughter’s) car crying. I reached for him and he jumped up in her motor. Took 30 minutes to fish him out. I had no choice. I couldn’t just leave him there. Was going to look for a home for him, next thing I know G (Gevonne) has taken him to the vet and this ‘free kitten’ has cost us a couple of hundred bucks. Litter is not cheap, nor is gourmet cat food. He is tiny so he is staying inside until he grows. He is supposed to be a mouser. I have my doubts that will ever happened.”

So from what I can gather, Connie is very resentful of this poor tiny little feral kitten because even though she’s the one who rescued it and buys it GOURMET cat food, it avoids her like the plague. And on top of that, she’s putting all this pressure on little Stanley to be a mouser. This is a recipe for disaster.

Per Connie: “Stanley will only go to G. If I call him he hides. If I walk into the room he hides. Let’s just say I hate him.”

Let me emphasize here that I have seen this cat. It is the tiniest most adorable kitten. But that’s not how Connie sees him. She sent me a photo and this is our exchange.

Me: Oh my lord, Connie. He’s tiny and adorable.

Connie: He only weighed a pound when we found him. He is a hellcat now that he feels at home.

Me: Connie he looks harmless.

Connie: He hates me.

So all that’s going on inside the house, but there’s more craziness outside as well. Connie and Gevonne live off Kingston Highway and their neighbors (and very close friends) are Kyle and Stacy. Kyle enjoys pulling pranks on Connie, and the other day he was walking in his yard and found the skin that had been shed by a massive rat snake. Of course his thoughts turned to Connie.

Kyle called Gevonne over to the fence, gave him the snake skin and asked him to scare Connie with it. Putting aside his own well-being to help a friend, Gevonne waited till the next morning and placed this huge snake skin right next to Connie’s car door. As you can imagine, Connie went outside early the next morning to get in her car, saw this massive “snake” stretched out at her feet and almost had a heart attack. I imagine people driving down that road were treated to quite an earful that morning.

After laying in to Gevonne and saying words I — as a God fearing Christian — cannot repeat, Connie has turned her vengeance on Kyle. She’s got that blood-lust in her eyes. But as Connie is very calculating, she won’t get him back right away.

“It’s ON!” she texted me about her impending revenge. “I’m waiting until (Kyle) is relaxed and forgets. Then BAM! I hope his heart is good.”

Y’all pray for Kyle. I don’t know what that woman is capable of.

So Connie’s plotting revenge, but since it’s a dish best served cold, she’s got time to focus on her next big event, which is a sale this Saturday at Over the Moon Antiques. Connie’s pretty excited about it. Over the Moon has been open for a year (in the Central Plaza shopping center, the one where Duffy’s Deli is), and to celebrate that, they’re having this sale that will spill over onto the sidewalk. According to Connie “prices will be slashed.”

Connie’s got a booth over there, and she takes things she finds at estates sales and sets them up in her booth. It’s like stepping back in time. She’s got a great eye for vintage things, and if you like that sort of stuff then you’ve got to visit her booth.

For those of you who send me letters and emails asking if I’m making her up, I’m not. Connie is definitely a real person, and she is quite a character. This is your chance to meet her.

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