There’s no shame in being high fallutin’. In this world there will always be people who live high on the hog and those who do not.
And in Rome, like everywhere else, there will always be people who are fancier than everyone else. I see it all the time. In my day-to-day role as an observer of Rome and Floyd County life I come across all sorts of people. I see folks who are very very fancy and I see folks who are just as common as you please.
And there’s nothing wrong with either. We’re all the same deep-down.
All I ask is if you ARE fancy, then embrace it. Own it. Be proud of your fanciness.
I’ve come up with a little guide to give y’all a better idea of how fancy you may or may not be. Now we do live in Floyd County so this list is sort of tailored to our area. What might be fancy in big cities, wouldn’t apply to us.
So here’s how to tell if you’re “Rome Fancy”...
1. If there’s a place in your home that’s called a “mud room,” you’re fancy. I don’t even know when mud rooms became a thing but it seems like fancy people need a mud room in their homes. This also applies if you say words like “foyer” and “great room” to describe parts of your house. Regular folks don’t have “great rooms,” we have a living room and that’s it.
2. If you do NOT know the Dollar General or the Ingles brand of groceries, you might be fancy. If you’ve never known the struggle of driving to Dollar General in the middle of the night on the Thursday before payday to buy a $1 box of generic dryer sheets, then I feel sorry for you because that builds character. For those of you wondering, Dollar General sells “Clover Valley” as well as “DG Home” and Ingles sells “Laura Lynn.”
3. If one or more of your children have studied abroad, you’re definitely fancy. I see all these people posting on social media about their kids spending a semester in Spain or Costa Rica or Germany. I can barely afford gas to get to Cartersville sometimes. Also, if your kid goes to stay-away camp OUT OF STATE, then y’all are fancy. Please invite me to dinner.
4. If you are a member of the following organizations, I’m sorry to inform you that you’re a little fancier than the rest of us: First Baptist Church, Junior Service League, Coosa Country Club and Rome Rotary. I know many people who are members of all these organizations and they’re wonderful people. They just happen to be a little fancy.
5. If you live in any of our nice, expensive subdivisions, you’re for sure fancy. Those include, but are not limited to, The Battle Farm, Highpointe, most anything off Horseleg, and Pear Street (that’s the one downtown with the colorful townhouses). If you live in Berry Forest, you’re REAL fancy. I know people who live in these places and they have BEAUTIFUL homes and well-maintained landscaping. My suggestion is to befriend these people and get invited to their parties and get-togethers because people who live in these neighborhoods will NEVER tell you to “bring your own beverages.” They always have an open bar. And when you ask them what you can bring to the party they always say “absolutely nothing. you just bring your fun self.”
6. If you have a housekeeper who comes to clean your house more than twice a month, you might be a little fancy. Now this is one of those that I really envy about fancy people. I WISH someone would come clean my house on a regular basis. Included in this one is if you pay someone else to cut your grass and if you have one of those robot vacuum cleaners that vacuums while you’re not at home. I’d love to be this kind of fancy.
7. If you vacation in Vail, Breckenridge or Aspen, not only are you fancy, you’re the mayor of Fancytown, USA. Oh and if you fly to vacations that are within 500 miles of Rome, then you’re super fancy.
8. If you have checking and savings accounts in SEVERAL banks, you’re probably fancy. Most of us have trouble maintaining one account at one bank.
9. If you invest in the stock market, you’re definitely Rome fancy. I’m not talking E-Trade, either. If you have a PORTFOLIO, then you’re fancy. And if you pay another human being to manage that portfolio, then you and I probably have nothing in common.
10. If you attend GALAS regularly, you’re probably a little bit fancy. Most of us attend get-togethers and parties. Every now and again I’ll get a second-hand invite to some high-fallutin’ event and of course I go. But most of the time you can tell if you’re fancy or not if your invites come in the mail and they say “black tie optional” as opposed to the invites I get which come via text message and say “can you pick up a case of bud light on your way?”
11. If you do not, nor have you ever owned a pair of Crocs, then you THINK you’re fancy. But you know what? You’re not better than me. I am the proud owner of 5 pairs of Crocs. I have my going-out Crocs, my around-the-house Crocs and I even have my suede-lined winter Crocs.
12. If you pay for Barkbox then you are the epitome of fancy. This is a service where fancy people pay good money every month for a box of treats and toys to be delivered to their DOG. In keeping with this one, if your dog attends something called “Doggie Daycare,” then here’s your one chance, Fancy, don’t let me down.
Like I said, there’s nothing wrong with being fancy. I’d have most of these things if I could. Embrace it. Enjoy it. I’ll be sittin’ over here bitter and jealous and poor.