‘Twas the night before Christmas at the Calhoun Times,
We were tired and cranky and rubbing our eyes
Because we had worked hard and clocked many hours all week,
Bringing you news and sports that you wouldn’t believe...
The local Sheriff’s Office had busted a chop shop,
Those deputies worked hard and on Santa’s Nice List they were tops
The Calhoun City employees were dancing and cheering,
Two new members on the City Council meant there would be no more dealing
With personal agendas and threats concerning their jobs,
The City can move forward now and there’s no reason to sob
Some people got upset that we were reporting negatively on Calhoun,
But those people had no clue what was happening, they were really just clueless goons.
Sports Editor Alex was having a hard time,
He was covering basketball in Rome and working long nights
But basketball season is Sasha’s favorite time of year
Which keeps him away from the office and Brandi in tears...
Because with Alex gone, Brandi is holding down the fort,
And dealing with computer crashes one, two, three and four,
Getting a paper out with the computer issues that constantly occur,
Is simply miraculous and can’t be left with amateurs.
It takes us three times as long now to get out an issue,
But we make it work though we use a lot of tissues
Luckily we have secret weapons that help us with news,
With typing and researching and keeping us amused.
Danika is running around helping as only she can,
We don’t know what we’d do without her, we are definitely her biggest fans
She works hard all day and does anything we need,
She’s easy to get along with and works with great speed.
Young Tyler is keeping up with various sports,
He’s covered football, baseball, basketball and teams of all sorts
He handles the jail listings and comes up with clever headlines
And gives us great ideas for lunch and where to dine.
Before this story finishes up, I must address all the recent karma,
That Jesus chose broadsheet and doesn’t really care about commas
When it’s all said and done, we are very proud of what we do,
Now we will finish up this paper and send it straight to you.
Where you will read it and wonder if it’s real news or just fake,
And the staff at the Calhoun Times will finally take a break
As we pack up, go home and get ready for bed,
It’s always very late before we can rest our heads.
We love serving our community and are committed to the ‘Houn
It’s always our pleasure to report on local news
So as you read this paper today, know we are thinking of you,
The Calhoun Times wishes all of our readers a Merry Christmas; please make it a safe one, too.
Brandi Moorehead-Owczarz is the managing editor of the Calhoun Times. You can email her at firstname.lastname@example.org ~OR~ find her on Facebook (where she is known to make tons of witty observations on everything from kids to karma to the Sports Editor’s stinky choice in college football teams) by searching Brandi Moorehead Owczarz on Facebook.